rambling

I have been having troubles blogging, because I have been having troubles putting my thoughts into order. I have so much going on, I think so much, I often am too overwhelmed to know how to express myself with words. But tonight, I am just going to ramble. Sometimes its easier to write, when we ramble, when there is no rhyme or reason. I used to write like this, but as time has gone by, the pressure I put on myself to be great has increase. I am very aware of my inability to create proper sentence structure implement proper grammar. And this, it drives me crazy. More than anything, I want to write well. I keep buying books to help me, but I never read them, so I am starting to believe they are a useless investment. I learned recently there is label (for lack of a better term) for my learning style. I am a Kinesthetic learner, meaning I learn through implementation, doing. As soon as I do something three times with someone guiding me, I know it forever, I excel in it. I do not know where I first learned grammar and how but I do know, I can't tell you what a verb is, or a noun. I haven't a clue, I have not memorized it. I don't know how to memorize it. It is almost as if I need to write a paper, someone needs to edit it thoroughly with corrections and definitions to the corrections, why its important and then I need to sit down and redo it, on my own. If I don't know why, then I do understand. I need a why! Which is crazy and frustrating and maybe an excuse, but I know its how I learn.