Now I assume your wondering what I mean by b-list. About a week ago I was sharing intimate details of current events in my e-hem non-dating life with a good friend of mine. I was sharing cause I needed to pin point my feelings and figure out where to go....
Her advice though, left me speechless..."you need to go on dates...lots of em. With anyone, you need to practice dating. Get yourself out there and learn how to date again, so when THE supposed guy comes along you know how to BE"...then two more of our friends came into the conversation....they freaked out when they learned how long it had been since I really dated anyone. I plead the fifth on telling the whole blogsphere but lets just say when I used to think doing the "lets be single for a whole year and see what God has to tell me while I focus solely on him" idea. I thought that that year would be forever....to that I tell you forever came and went long ago..
Now I am left in uncertainty about this whole b-list idea. I have big fears in regards to dating and one of them is hurting people, (which may sound a bit egotistical, but I am talking from experience) so why would I do this? Date people who as dates are meaningless to me? I asked my friend..."why would I want to hurt these people" she without hesitation exclaimed "people get hurt" hmm I thought interesting. It sorta made sense...people in the "real" world date all the time, without quams and misery. So what am I waiting for???? Hahahah. No really though I am still uncertain of this....and whats with the whole b-list thing anyways...honestly I don't think I believe in the b-list. There are the datable people and un-datable (meaning you like someone or you don't) and I see absolutely no reason to date the people I am not interested in. There is no real practise from dating guys who I don't want to date...I say this because there is no work, its all comfortable and relaxing cause there is no pressure and no possibility.
I suppose in writing this I have discovered the answer I have been seeking, to my friends 'wisdom'. I say no. I will not practice with the (non-existing) b-list. When I am ready I will go back into the dating world and date. ...today I just really want to travel and live my life to the fullest, I have my whole life to settle down and if I meet someone wonderful along the way well then that's awesome and I will embrace it.
5 comments:
I don't know, Sher... I think there's something in the middle.
I think that dating 'for fun' doesn't mean going out and deliberately hurting someone, or pretending to be interested when you're not. That's cruel.
To me, it means approaching dating in a way that says 'I think you're interesting and I'd like to get to know you a little bit' instead of 'I need to marry you.' When you take Approach A, it takes the pressure off and gives you permission to have fun. Sometimes it's awful, and you laugh it off. Sometimes you can go out a few times, but that chemistry just doesn't materialize - and then you may have gained a new friend. And every once in a while... you might just fall in love.
But that's the beauty of it. It doesn't really matter what happens - and anything can. You begin to realize that the idea of a single perfect soulmate is something that was invented by Disney, and you see that the world is full of wonderful possibilities...
My (long) opinion, anyway :)
I agree with you Linds and I assure you I'm not closing the door on the 'fun' dating..just on 'meaningless' dating. To me there is a huge difference. In the past I have done this...and it led only to no good. Fun dating has possibility, meaningless dating is just that: meaningless.
and even though I say this. I am still afraid. It is easy to say ...way harder to do.
Agreed! And I also agree that it's hard.
When you were a kid, did you ever jump into the water from way up high? My family went to this lake in the Whiteshell every single summer, and we'd climb waaaay up to the top of this rock and then try to get brave enough to leap down into the water. I have butterflies even just thinking about it now. Even though you know you probably won't get hurt, there's something inside of you that whispers 'this is scary.'
Good things rarely come from sitting around and waiting for them to happen. That said, you'll know when you're ready - and none of your friends, no matter how well they know you, know when that is. Trust your own wisdom.
What's that great cheesy quote from the movie Bounce? 'It's not brave if you're not scared.'
:)
I wrote that quote down...long ago when I watched Bounce. I forgot, but i looked at it often way back when. Thanks for reminding me. I think I will write it down again.
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